ICE CREAM MAN

*

Directed by Eli Roth.

Starring Charlie Zeltzer, Ari Millen, Sarah Abbott.

Horror, US, 86 Minutes, Certificate 18.

Released in Cinemas in the UK on 7th August by StudioCanal UK

With no connection to Clint Howard’s identically titled 1995 direct to video slasher or the more recent, surreal and creepy comic book from W. Maxwell Prince and Martin Morazzo, Eli Roth’s latest effort on its title alone already carries more than a touch of the familiar. Roth’s spin on the benign figure looks like it wants to follow in the footsteps of the TERRIFIER franchise by mixing in some outrageous gore. For all of its faults, at least Damian Leone’s wildly successful franchise attempts to build a framework of otherworldly mythology and an entertaining performance from David Howard Thornton to hang its wildly gory setpieces on. Roth’s titular character here, played by Ari Millen and failing to make any sort of impression, is also mute, further contrasting his innocent appearance against the bloody gore on display, all committed by a bunch of personality wiped children after they sample his variety of creepily titled ice creams. And that is pretty much all that the film has going for it: unfunny gore gags relentlessly chucked onscreen for eighty-six minutes. In a career of mixed results that usually tends to dip to the lower side of the quality scale, this is easily Roth’s worst film yet.

The thinner than paper plot is as follows: Ice Cream Man arrives in the coastal town of Bayleen Bay in the last week of school. Young Jared looks forward to some respite from the numerous bullies and jocks on his baseball team. Aside from being a scrawny kid, he also happens to be lactose intolerant and therefore immune to Ice Cream Man’s tainted product. As the town children turn on their parents, teachers and anyone else who gets in their way, Jared and his barely written sister and friends scramble to uncover the mystery of Ice Cream Man.

After the disposable fun of THANKSGIVING, a film based on a fake trailer which is probably Roth’s best work, this is a serious stepback. Supposedly fed up with the studio experiences he suffered with his video game adaptation BORDERLANDS, Roth set up his own studio The Horror Section so he can create his own masterpieces without interference. Watching this however, you may feel that the studios had a point. Co-written with Noah Belson, it still takes some getting around that it took two people to come up with this. The plot is non-existent, the characters barely rise to the level of cliche and Roth’s own direction is so sloppy in places that it somehow becomes difficult to keep track of the severely limited set of events that are taking place in its locations of the suburbs, a school, a baseball field, a church freezer and a graveyard.

As a horror fan you more often than not have to accept a film on its own terms. A limited budget, or a script brought to the screen by an inexperienced writer and director can be compromising and difficult for the creatives and the audience. We go through a lot of coal to find the barest glimmer of a diamond, wanting to give the benefit of the doubt to the vast numbers of people who struggle to  bring their vision to the screen. But if you are Eli Roth and have been at this for over two decades with the experience, contacts and funds that you have and this is the best you can do, it might be time to reconsider.

There is no getting around the fact that this is a supremely ugly film. The tone being as low as it is is a given when it comes to Roth, especially with his toe curling attempts at writing relevant dialogue for teenagers and kids, but the look of the film is something else. This is such a bland and drab looking film that no amount of fake blood can enliven proceedings. And this is before you get to the AI aspects of the film which stick out like a sore thumb. So many elements have obviously been added to the film in post-production that it just piles on the disheartening experience of watching the film even more. In a year where lower budget horror has struck such a chord showing what can be achieved with smart storytelling this only proves that whatever relevance and creative spark Roth once had is now well and truly extinguished. Surely with what turns out to be one of the worst films of the year, this is as bad as it gets for him, and us.

Iain MacLeod